Daddy Dates

A few years ago, I read in one of Stephen Covey's books that he would take one of his kids (and he had like a million of them) out on a date every month. It was incredibly difficult for him to do so with his crazy work and travel schedule, but he still made time.

Following his example is probably the most rewarding thing that I do in life. It is easily the best part of my week. 

Before someone gets mad - I think it is great for moms to go on dates with the kids too, but I happen to be a guy and am writing from that stand point. Yes, lots of dad's stay home and often there are not dads in the home. Women are amazing. You can promote dads without being demeaning towards women. Both can be great. If you want my take on moms, check it out here: https://setfiretothesky.blogspot.com/2019/05/motherhood-ultimate-calling.html  

We are definitely not perfect at getting out on a date every week, but we are pretty close. I love it.

Our dates are pretty easy going. We'll usually get an ice cream and then go walk around a park or something. The time spent is way more important than the activity.

The dates are usually on Saturdays and last for an hour or hour and a half. We try and keep them under $5.

Life can get so crazy. Some weeks I'll work a ton of hours and my family of 7 has some crazy schedules with school, jobs, homework, basketball, football, church, gymnastics, piano, violin, it seems there is very rarely anytime for anything.

Even weeks when I work 75-hours, I make a point to take one of my children out on a Saturday morning before heading to work the rest of the day.

Like other ambitious people, I have grand hopes of success at work. In trying to achieve this success, I read several business books and autobiographies of others who are successful.

In the biographies of the hugely successful Larry Miller and Jack Welch, both regretted not having spent more time with their families. They have achieved everything one could want financially and in the business world, but now that they have arrived, they wished they would have spent more time with their children.

As a Christian living in the State of Utah with 5 children of my own, you would think this would be apparent to me. It is. Sort of. The drive to succeed still burns.

However, when I stay late at work, I don't feel great and am grumpy. When I take my kids on a date, my mood is a 10 out of 10. Whether this is God's confirmation, karma or the universe helping me make better decisions, I think it is the right thing to do. Spending time with my family seems to be the only place where success is truly found.

The idea really seems to resonate with other guys, because of all the junk I post on social media, this gets by far the biggest response. People love it. Not many days pass that I don't have some dad tell me that they want to start doing that. And the ladies? They all tell me they wish their husbands would take their kids out on dates too.

When I first started taking my kids on dates, I found that lots of dads take their kids out too, just not the married dads. It seemed like it was only me and the divorced dads who were able to get an hour of quality time with one of their kids on weekends. I freaking love that the single fellas are working to get this time with their kids, though I believe that married guys can take their kids on dates too!

With the crazy schedules, sometimes it is hard to get out there on a date, but it is the most worthwhile thing I do with my life.

It seems that Hollywood and the rest of the world are really down on dads. They are usually portrayed as bumbling buffoons on TV who go to work, come home and drink beer while watching sports. Maybe it is like that for Hollywood, but out in the real world, dads kick butt. 

I freaking love that the government came out with a campaign to promote dads - https://www.fatherhood.gov/. From my vantage point, dads (and often moms) work their butts off to provide for their families. They come home and do what they can around the house.

It is really simple, but here are some things that I do with my kids...

Part 1 Get Food - We'll get an ice cream, a cookie at the grocery store or treat from the convenience store. Food makes everything better though I usually get a Diet Coke cuz I'm trying to be less chubby. You can't help but be happy with a treat. #itssciencefolks

Part 2 Talk - Then we talk. Ok, I try just to listen. It might take some prodding, but if you stick with it, soon you'll be hearing all about some cute boy in their school, activities at recess, or their favorite YouTube station.

Part 3 Questions - When it comes to questions, I've found that if you look at how they spend their free-time and then ask them about whatever they do, you'll get great answers. There are a few questions I like to ask including - 

• How can I be a better daddy? 
• What do I do that makes you happy? 
• Who are you 5 best friends?
• What makes you sad?
• What is the funnest thing you do?
• What is the happiest you have ever been?
• What do you worry about?
• What do you think about when you are falling asleep at night?
• Which of your friends is least-likely to go to jail (this person becomes my favorite of their friends)?
• Now that you are dating, do you know that I can make a body disappear and they will never find it?

I love dates with my children so much, I can't even stand it. Normally, I wouldn't care much if Vy Qwaint was able to catch the Project Zorgo Hacker, how fast a Bugatti can go from 0-100 or which classes the crush is signing-up for next year. But these things become a part of your thoughts because your children are a larger part of your thoughts. Work starts taking less time in your thoughts as you focus on what is really important. Incredibly as your desire to succeed with your family time increases, so does your peace and happiness.  

Covey, Miller and Welch were right. Don't wait until it is too late to find the things that bring true happiness in life! Join me in my mission to become a better dad so we don't end up regretting the time we spent away from our families while at work! It will be the best thing you do!